This may seem futile and ridiculous, but I feel intense and profound longing for certain commodities (or luxuries, so to speak) from the U.S. The mere mention of certain brands and products sends my heart atwitter and makes me realize to what extent the French still have a lot to learn.

Let’s begin with breakfast.

The French are supposedly among the most frequent ‘breakfasters’ in Europe but not by my standards.

Take a look at an example of a French cereal aisle.

 
Note the overwhelming presence of chocolate and sugar : wheat choco, muesli croustillant chocolat, Frosties, Nestlé Crunch, Coco chocolate coma, All bran with high fructose corn syrup, and the list goes on.

These are my choices. If I go to an all organic supermarket, my options are 500g of good tasting crunchy muesli for virtually 7 euro. ABsurd. Perhaps it’s just my American sensibilities that are damaged or MAYBE the French just don’t know how to do breakfast. Don’t get me wrong, I like to mix things up, some days there will be scrambled eggs, yogurt and fruit, but cereal is a staple that I cannot survive without. So you’re damn right I miss:

 

How could you get any better than all-natural, whole grain, sustainable, crunchy goodness bursting with a myriad of flavors in a box? Not to mention their healthy indulgences come in the form of granola bars, frozen dinners (which I’m not necessarily a fan of nor do I encourage ingesting buckets of sodium for dinner… although I must say I do fancy me some Kashi waffles…), snack bars, pilaf, and hot cereal. I like what the brand stands for, its products, its variety of offerings and the quality. I do NOT like its limited availability! I have sent the Kashi geniuses an email inquiring into their distribution and whether they would ever export their products to Europe. No response. I’m not going to lie, it hurt a little. I’m a fan of Kashi on facebook (and clearly that should be an adequate display of my affection) and am a loyal customer…. when I’m in the States. I bribe my friends and family to send me a box or two here are there, but I need more.

France needs to jump on this bandwagon and fast. I know it would be successful what with their organic supermarkets and growing obsession with all that is natural and healthy yet they pump additives, corn syrup, sugar, and CHOCOLATE into everything. I’m sorry, I’m a fan of chocolate but not at every meal. I’m surprised I’m not finding it in their soup. Ca se marie bien avec des tomates, they would say.

Anyway, I am sending this message out into the void, hoping that someone at Kashi will catch wind of a nostalgic, desperate, American expat in France and send me a gift. Or maybe just the gift of European distribution. Perhaps they’ll respond fashionably on Twitter like other companies have been doing to demonstrate their social networking savvy and proximity to their consumers. Ahhh, I can see the Honey Sunshine and Go Lean Crunch now…..

Anyway, the list of healthy breakfast options in the US goes on with brands like Barbara’s Bakery, for example. If Whole Foods could cross the pond, they could surely take it a step further and cross the English channel……

The rest of my warm memories from home will appear in list form to avoid continued rambling:

Arpeggio: rated Best Mediterranean Dining in Montgomery County (PA), by far my favorite restaurant in the burbs

Doggy Bags: enough said.

Customer Service: you may get used to lousy service in restaurants and even complacently accept it so as long as the quality of the food is good. But a lack of customer service in any other sense is unacceptable. I’ll explain (succinctly). Expecting a delivery of a Dell computer. UPS tries to deliver it while I’m at work, calls and gives me the option of changing the delivery address. I give them my work address. This person shouldn’t have given me this option, apparently, because Dell has an agreement with UPS for “security measures” that states that the delivery address cannot be changed after the purchase was made. I call UPS, yell at them, try to convince them that it’s absurd since I’ll NEVER BE AT HOME during the week between 9 and 6 pm (Dell uses the cheapest shipping method possible, no shipping on Saturdays), UPS unreceptive. Call Dell and yell at them (it starts polite and turns to rage) explain that this is not a dress I’m ordering but an expensive piece of equipment and I WANT IT TO MY WORK ADDRESS. Silence. “Sales” woman clearly had to compose herself so as not to yell back at me. I told her she didn’t know what customer service was and hungup.

After 3 failed delivery attempts, it goes back to Dell. Then they give me the option of changing the address, and the process begins again. Ok, so now it will arrive at work at the reception desk to be signed. I felt better. Monday morning, walk into work, told reception I’m expecting a package. “It already came, at 8:20 this morning, before the building opened. They left it outside, didn’t wait to get my signature”. So Dell, what the hell kind of security measure is that? It could have gotten stolen and I would have been up a creek. This is just one example of poor customer service.

Orbit gum: thankfully, my dad ships some to me and my friends return from their American voyages with gum in hand for me as a souvenir. Cinnamint is my favorite. Orbit is available in other countries in Europe – saw it in Spain and England – but of course, not in France. Aside from mentos, the only other gum player in France is Hollywood gum. Sorry, I prefer not sticking a rubber-cardboard hybrid in my mouth. Thanks anyway.

Ability to wear workout attire inside AND outside the gym without being judged: Parisian gyms are a trip, a real spectacle. Picture this: thong leotards, jewelry, converse sneakers and makeup.

Pants made for woman bigger than a size -0: I’d like to at least be able to fit my calf into a pant before determining whether it’s coming home with me or not.

Real cheesecake, pumpkin pie, key lime pie….. you get where this is going

Whole Foods

Real Time with Bill Mahr

Friends & Family
 

Oh what I wouldn’t give for a fix of America right about now.