Just Saying NO to Children: Closing Remarks and Thank You!

Over the last few weeks you have seen some intense female declarations. An overwhelming number of you had nothing but praise and positive reactions to the series and I thank you for supporting an issue I feel strongly about. A few readers weren’t so keen on the topic and had a more critical interpretation of the posts and I enjoyed their responses as well – not everyone is going to agree, nor should they. I wanted to create an open forum for women (all the while establishing that men are also assailed with criticism for their choices) so that they no longer had to feel ashamed that the idea of motherhood just didn’t speak to them.

I want to thank Forest of 52 Martinis and Linda of Parisien Salon for sharing their stories. After carefully reading through all of the comments, I was astounded by how many women received flack for a choice that is, in reality, quite common. In fact, nearly 50% of American women are not mothers. Regardless of their reasons, be they personal or physical, what we should remember is that it’s about being tolerant of other people’s choices. Often it is those who boast tolerance and acceptance who are the first to criticize a woman who chooses a life without children. But let’s not forget,

“Fewer women are having children. By choice. Not by choice. Some are childless. Some are childfree. Some are waiting. Some are undecided. Some are trying. Some are too young. Some feel too old. Some are too old. Whatever the case, in the end, 45.1% of women 15-44, don’t have kids.”**

My parents hope for grandchildren but know that it is unlikely to happen. My older sister, a married Veterinarian, is of the same perspective as me. She is often asked when she and her husband plan on (finally) having children which, she says, is a question she hears often given her profession.

“my profession as a whole is now more than 80 % women. At my own place of work, one woman just had her second baby, three more people are pregnant, one with twins. Needless to say, the question comes up a lot.”

But she remains grounded in her beliefs which she shares with her husband.

“Perhaps I do not feel ‘nature calling’ or the maternal pull. But even if I did, I don’t think I would answer it. Perhaps it is in part due to selfishness, in that there is too much in my life I want to still do. I want the freedom to travel when I want, explore new things, pursue my career goals, for which there are still many. I do not want to pass on my health and mental issues to my offspring. I love my husband and we already have a daughter, Isabelle. She is a Rhodesian ridgeback Labrador mix. She is our pride and joy, but she already restricts our travels to a degree mostly because we don’t want to leave her with others (though obviously we can). In time, we want many more animals and we both feel that animals have a special place in our hearts/ lives but children do not at this time.”

I disagree only with her mention of selfishness because I do not believe it is selfish to want those things for oneself. She went on to explain what most of you touched upon in your responses:

“I feel that there are already too many children brought into this world that are unwanted, uncared for and taken advantage of. Many come into this world to “save a marriage” or for other wrong reasons. I would in no way want to further perpetuate this problem. There are also millions of animals brought into the world, bred unnecessarily or accidentally, sold in pet stores and up for adoption at animal shelters that also have no homes. I would rather provide a loving home and share my heart and make them a part of my family than bring an unwanted child into the world.”

This series was not meant to be an anti-children manifesto. As I’ve mentioned before, I am the proud (much) older sister to an adorable boy whom I adore. I enjoy children and I appreciate the kind of love that develops between a mother and her child, one that is certainly invaluable and untouchable. I EVEN get a little goo goo gaga at times, as does my sister, with my brother Gavin. But that’s where it ends.

All of the women who contributed to and commented on the series are not child-haters. Rather they are individuals who know what they want for themselves and should be shown just as much respect as their parenting counterparts.

This chapter is now closed however I will of course share with you if, by some happenstance, I have a sudden, unstoppable yearning to become a mother. Thank you again for your support, comments, criticisms and laughs. I’m off to London for a much-needed break from Paris.