First-time author Samantha Verant’s story has all the trappings of a fairytale; from the setbacks (in her case, the dreaded Ds: divorce and debt) to the uplifting life turnaround that emerged from reconnecting with a former flame (her own personal Prince Charming). The plucky 40 year old was desperate for change but struggled to visualize her next move. Happening upon seven old love letters from a Frenchman she met in university some twenty years prior put the wheels of change in motion. Several years later and now the wife of her romantic pen pal, Samantha has documented the story in her memoir ‘Seven Letters From Paris’, just released this week.
Inspired by her story, I asked Samantha to share seven life lessons learned from pursuing this ‘second’, much happier, life with a Frenchman. Check them out below:
1// Make l’amour, not war.
In the five years I’ve been living with my French husband, we’ve maybe had five arguments. And I honestly can’t remember what they were about. That old adage “never go to bed angry?” Yep, it’s true. Of course, aside from intimacy, communication is also the key to a happy relationship. From politics to religion, the French love to talk, to discuss, and to evaluate what’s important to them without the fear of hurting somebody else’s feelings. I’ve learned to never let problems simmer under the surface until they boil over; Jean-Luc and I talk about our issues and work things out. And then we…cuddle.
2// There will be communication mishaps, no matter the language.
Me: I had a great time at the château today. I met an adorable orange cat. Mr. Simpkin. He sat on my lap.
Jean-Luc: Oh, I remember him – the Frenchman with the English last name. He’s the production manager in charge of all the renovations.
Me: (???) Honey, are you serious? You realize I’m talking about an ORANGE CAT?
He wasn’t hanging on to my every word? Oh well. I’ve learned there are bigger problems in life. Yes, indeed, I can get over this. I, of course, burst out laughing. So did he. Repeat number lesson number one. And then laugh. On that, you should hear my mangled French.
Side note: Jean-Luc wasn’t jealous that Mr. Simpkin (a.k.a. the construction manager) sat in my lap. And he should have been because he’s pretty darn cute.
Top Photo Credit: Karina Waters of Chateaude Gudanes
3// Life your life with passion.
In one of Jean-Luc’s seven letters, he writes: “It would be a disaster if we stop this passion between us. And I am a man who cannot live without passion. It’s the nerve of my being, the best we can do.”
He really lives by this sentiment.
To those naysayers who say that passion in a relationship dies, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t; it just changes a little bit. I’ve learned that, yes, passion is a way of life, but you also have to put some effort into it. To keep the spark between us lit, Jean-Luc and I explore each other’s passions. In my case, I took up Jean-Luc’s favorite sport: scuba diving. I now have my PE-40 license, which means I can dive forty-meters (over 120-feet) with my moniteur fédéraldive-master husband. At first, diving gave me panic attacks (because I could run out of air and DIE!), but I learned that with love on my side I could do anything. I’m thinking of signing us up for tango lessons. Intimacy and sharing are paramount!
Viva la passion!
4// French culture is a way of life. Eat it up.
Wine. History. Food. It’s all up for grabs. (I try to avoid discussions on politics. I’m a lover, not a debator). Anyway, French men are supremely proud of anything French. I have to admit it’s infectious, and every day I learn something new. Plus, I can now cook up the most amazing flambéed shrimp you’ve ever tasted. Who taught me how to set fire to my kitchen? One guess. You can check out the recipe on Ann Mah’s (author of Mastering the Art of French Eating) blog, where I popped in for one of her Tuesday dinner posts.
5// Happiness is more important than material possessions.
My French hubs is not a consumer and I’m no longer one. We work within our budget and with what we’ve got. There is no credit card debt, no unnecessary spending. We only buy what we truly need. This is the French way. And I wish more Americans would catch on. After all, most fights between couples are about money. I’ve learned to keep my yearnings in check, and I ask myself: “Do I really need it? What purpose would it serve? Would I still be happy without it?” The answer to that last question is always a resounding yes.
6// Don’t rush.
Dinner parties in France last about five-seven hours. Wedding celebrations go on all night. French men don’t rush through meals; they savor them. They dress well. They take care of their appearance. (Okay, fine, sometimes mine wears his collar up like a 1980’s Dracula wannabe. I just push it back down. So does Elvire, my stepdaughter.) And, sorry, that was a tangent. As an American, I notice we move fast, fast, fast! I’ve leaned to take things slow and appreciate the finer things in life. Even the little things. Like cheese! And wine!
7// Balance.
I don’t know if it’s because Jean-Luc is French, or if he is just an incredible man, but he did bring balance into my world. As a Libra, I’m all about the scales. Through him, I’ve learned to live a passionate life, to not let little problems to weigh me down, and, most importantly, to love myself fully and completely. In any relationship, it’s important to bring out the positive aspects of a person. Just as much as he supports me, I support him. Life is about balance. I’ve found my equilibrium with an incredible French man. Did I mention he vacuums and mops? Relationships, no matter what country you are from, are about give and take. Yep. Balance.
–GIVEAWAY: WIN A COPY OF ‘SEVEN LETTERS FROM PARIS’ !–
To win a copy of Samantha’s just-released memoir ‘Seven Letters From Paris’, please:
1/ Share 1 thing love has taught you about life in the comments section below
2/ Follow Samantha on Twitter or Facebook and leave an additional comment specifying where you’re now a follower.Winner will be selected at random and announced at the bottom of this post on Friday, October 17. Good luck!
UPDATE: Congratulations to Anne! I’ll be in touch soon to arrange delivery of your prize.
More about Samantha:
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| Photo credit: Stephen Fisch |
Samantha Vérant is a travel addict, a self-professed oenophile, and a determined, if occasionally unconventional, French chef. She lives in southwestern France, where she’s able to explore all of her passions, and where she’s married to a sexy French rocket scientist she met in 1989, but ignored for twenty years.
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